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Blog 4
Uneasy
I have been uneasy about writing this blog for the last few days. Whilst I feel that writing is very cathartic for me I also feel absolutely guilty for publishing this story as it may hurt or offend people who have been involved in my life at some point, some I have have met, and some I haven't. If I was to be totally honest with you, I am also scared. Terrified in fact. Terrified of upsetting the very people who still know things about me and my beginnings and have up until now refused to tell me the truth, my truth. I am terrified of hurting my two half brothers, who I haven't met, by sharing things about my interactions with our mother that may not reflect well on her. I am terrified that they will continue to want nothing to do with me. But, I firmly believe that finding the truth far surpasses any promise of any potential relationships, and certainly is more important than not wanting to offend people, particularly those who have lied to me when they had the opportunity to be honest.

 In talking with a friend this evening, she reminded me that this is my story. And indeed it is. I have no control over how other people will feel about it and in the interests of finding my truth, I cannot therefore allow myself to censor my story out of fear of how others may or may not react to it. I will not carry their guilt for the decisions they may have made in the past which has affected the course of my life. They don't deserve that. I believe I am entitled to the truth, and as such, I feel I have no option but to continue pursuing it, and sharing it for those who may resonate with it, and find some healing for themselves, knowing that they are not alone.

Despite the fear, I choose truth.

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