My Journey Home 2018 - My Adoption Story

Blog 6 20 Years On & Ancestry DNA Last year I turned 50 years old. It's been 20 years since I had seen Sarah for the last time. I often thought of her, and particularly my brothers. The guilt I felt over my mother not bonding with her youngest son still plagued me and I still thought of and prayed for him regularly. I did my best to move on and put them out of my mind and focus on the important things in my life, mainly my son, but thoughts and feelings would often come up, particularly when I was tired or stressed. Sarah's  face and her coldness have never left me. Coming up to my 50th birthday, I was planning to go home to Adelaide a few days prior. As such, my son gave me his present before I left. When I opened it I was overwhelmed, and excited. He had given me an Ancestry DNA Kit. Wow. This was something I had talked about before but had never taken the plunge. Before leaving for Adelaide I followed the instructions in the kit, took the test and posted my DNA off...

Blog 5 The Ongoing Saga  The two years following that first meeting with Sarah, my birth mother were difficult to say the least. I saw a counselor for about a year to try and work through the rejection and abandonment issues that had reared their heads, the deep sadness, and the feelings of unworthiness, and the reality that even my own mother didn't love me, or even care. That was a big one. The emotions that I experienced were quite surprising, shocking almost. It was a difficult time. I was juggling being a single parent, working full-time, owning a new home, paying a mortgage and generally being responsible when all I felt like doing was crawling into a ball in a corner and just taking a 'break'. But I couldn't. My son needed me, his uniform needed to be ironed, and his lunch made, and I had to go to work because I had a mortgage to pay etc. etc. etc. I worked through it the best I could. And eventually the pain became more manageable. They say time is a healer, ...

Blog 4 Uneasy I have been uneasy about writing this blog for the last few days. Whilst I feel that writing is very cathartic for me I also feel absolutely guilty for publishing this story as it may hurt or offend people who have been involved in my life at some point, some I have have met, and some I haven't. If I was to be totally honest with you, I am also scared. Terrified in fact. Terrified of upsetting the very people who still know things about me and my beginnings and have up until now refused to tell me the truth, my truth. I am terrified of hurting my two half brothers, who I haven't met, by sharing things about my interactions with our mother that may not reflect well on her. I am terrified that they will continue to want nothing to do with me. But, I firmly believe that finding the truth far surpasses any promise of any potential relationships, and certainly is more important than not wanting to offend people, particularly those who have lied to me when they had ...

Blog 3 My Search for my Birth Mother In 1997 I applied for and received my original birth certificate and accompanying information which was recorded by my biological mother at the time of my birth. I now knew my real name...Sarah. But my father was not listed on the certificate. My biological mother, Sarah, had given me her name at birth, as well as her mother's name as my middle name. The information in my file was sparse but stated that Sarah was Australian, 20 years old at the time of my birth and a telephonist. It also stated that my father was an Australian soldier. This still didn't answer my question of "where did I come from?" so I proceeded to try and find her. My search wielded results pretty quickly and I think from memory it was only about 3 weeks between the time I received my original birth certificate and the day I met Sarah for the first time. I was so excited. Nervous, but excited. I had bought a new outfit, had my hair done and even washed my c...

Blog 2 My Family Life...the early years I am currently 51 years old. I was born in South Australia in 1967 and adopted into an Australian family at 11 days of age. My adoptive parents were given no information about me, neither medical or cultural. My real 'identity' was erased and I was given a new name, a new family, and a new identity. I was raised in a Christian family with 3 siblings, who were also adopted. Many people over the years have asked me what it feels like to be adopted. I'm not really sure how to answer that question as it is fraught with complexities that are difficult to explain, as well as the fact that I don't have anything to compare it to...it is all I know. Whilst my appreciation for what my parents have done for me over the years is certainly paramount, I have always felt that I was betraying them in wanting to know who I was and where I was from. This feeling of betrayal has never left me despite knowing how much they love me. I know that a...

Blog 1 My Adoption Story...the beginning For the purpose of this blog, I will tell you that my name is Emma. It isn't, but as my story continues to unfold, it is my desire to try and tell my story with respect for all involved, despite the complexities and difficulties along the way, and this means that I need to do what I can to protect them from being identified. It is important also for you to know that when mentioning other people who are pivotal to my journey, I will obviously not be using their real names. It is my hope that the telling of my story does not bring any pain to anyone but that if it does, that it is certainly not intended. I recognise that some may not want my story to be told because of how it may portray them, but this is my story as I have lived it and therefore it is also my decision on when and how it is told. More than anything, I hope that it brings comfort to those who have also been adopted and understand the battle to find meaning and purpose in wha...